Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
