The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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