I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
