I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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