The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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