I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
