he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
