just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
