I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
