God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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