Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
