the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
