what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
