That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
