If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
