So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
