Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
