there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
