he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
