grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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