She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
