Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
