can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
