She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
