Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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