Can Purell be used as lube?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A bitchslap is in order.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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