Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
