if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
