It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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