how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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