fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
