he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
