so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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