I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
