so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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