I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
