He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
