a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
