Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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