Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think your dad took our porno
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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