sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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