sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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