but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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