glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
