I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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