why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
