new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
