Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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