I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sext me about skeletons
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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