I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
