You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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