i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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