Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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