dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
