Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
