Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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